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Contributors Say Ed Says
Jun 30, 2016

Portfolio Construction

Dear Ed,

Recently I was studying portfolio construction. Many CTAs state their portfolio composition, for example, 20% allocation to currencies. My guess is that they do not use the kind of uniform risk allocation that allocates 1% risk for all instruments. Instead, the risk for an instrument is calculated by dividing the sector risk allocation by the number of instruments in that sector.

I tested various portfolios and realized that portfolio allocation has huge impact on performance. There are two parts to portfolio construction, one part is the static sector allocations determined by me at the start of a backtest, the second part is dynamic adjustments according to market volatility, liquidity, and inter-market correlations.

As for the first part, I know how to allocate sector risk to optimize BACKtest results, but I do not know how to go forward. How do I adjust sector allocation for the FUTURE? Many CTAs show a shift from commodities to financials over the years. Obviously the number of available financial instruments has not changed that much, so what is the rationale behind such a shift?

As for the second part, I got some strange results. Performance (Bliss = ICAGR / PDD) actually improves if you leverage up when markets are correlated. This goes against what most trend followers said about correlations. As for market volatility, I found that the natural leverage (margin requirement) set by the broker serve as good indicators. I do worse when replacing the natural leverage by my own leverage that is derived from market volatility such as ATR and standard deviations.

Could you please shed some light on portfolio construction in general? It would be much appreciated if you could also share you thoughts on the specific issues that I mentioned.

Thank you very much,

Thank you for raising the issue about dynamic portfolio construction.

You might start with the notion that, in the current state of the art, a computer program cannot anticipate or even cope with the appearance and disappearance of instruments.

For example, a while back, you can trade onion futures and potato futures and you don't have Eurodollar futures  or VIX futures.

If you trade "everything," your algorithm can automatically scale your position sizes to accommodate changes in volatility.

If you go much further than that, you risk fitting your system to the past data, at the expense of lowering current profitability.

You might also consider that the difference between a pretty good system and an optimal dynamic portfolio system might not count for as much as consistently following either one of them.

You might consider taking your feelings about <perfection> to Tribe as an entry point.

Jun 30, 2016

Choosing a Different Program

Dear Ed,

The FAQ post “Choosing Different Program”, dated Jun 22 2016, resonates in me.

I am without God.

I doubt I arrive in this moment without your understanding and support.

I am one and learning to live as one.

Thank you for sharing your process.
Jun 30, 2016

Wants to Relieve Pressure


Saw your Internet article, thought you might shed some light on how high a flat plate might levitate over the end of an air tube? 

Not a ball, but a plate designed as a pressure relief device.  When the disk lifts off, the pressure of the process gas inside the tube is suspending the plate in a column of gas.  How would you obtain the height?

Thank you for raising this issue.

The height of the plate depends, among other things, on the shape and weight of the plate, the shape of the orifice and the velocity, density and viscosity of the effluent.

You might consider building a test rig and running some measurements on it.

Jun 29, 2016

Wants a Safe Gold Investment

Hi Ed,

Do you consider gold to be a safe haven in these times of uncertainty?

I know that several famous investors like George Soros, Jim Rogers and Stanley Druckenmiller have begun buying gold and gold-like financial instruments, because they have a rather bearish market outlook.

What are your thoughts about this, and do you think buying  mining stocks could be a good alternative?
Thank you for raising this issue.

Gold, itself does not have a safety property, any more than a fry pan has a safety property.

The safety to which you refer has to do with the price of gold - and, specifically, it has to do with decisions you make in response to its price.

You might consider taking your feelings about <safety> to Tribe as an entry point.

Jun 28, 2016

Virtual Tribe Meeting - Custody Issue


At our last Virtual Tribe meeting a Tribe member takes a hot seat with a feeling in his face, around his eye. He has a past experience of getting punched in his face in that particular spot. He is currently dealing with the drama concerning the custody of his kids involving lawyers. 

The Tribe member is standing his ground and battles it out with his wife. It takes way too long, is way too expensive with not much to show for, but he still fights.

During the hot seat he recollects getting punched and fighting back like his father told him only to get in trouble. He recollects the frustration with his father’s advice of, “When in trouble fight back”. After this strategy gets him in trouble he wonders, “Now what”.

Later he gets deeper into his feelings and recollects being rough with his sister which gets him in trouble with his grandfather. His grandfather grabs him by the back of his neck and shows him to the ground.

The Tribe member tries to talk to his grandfather, so I step into this role. I get it. I sometimes get frustrated with my own kids and hit a spot where enough is enough. I yell and grab in a rough way and put them in time out.

I always feel regret for losing it.

So, I take the role of the enforcer and we talk it out. The tribe member shares his feelings with me. “I don’t like it, I don’t like when you grab me like that, it hurts, I am scared!”

I respond as I have a moment to cool down to think, and listen: “I am sorry, I don’t like to do that, I don’t like to hurt you, I just don’t know what else to do. At some point when you are hurting your sister, I snap - I don’t like it.”

We go back and forth and establish intimacy. We are both parents and “lose it” at one time or another. We both feel the work benefits us as parents and helps us to be more patient during heated arguments when we do not know what to do, to relax and be there for our children instead of trying to control them.

Thank you for sharing your process.
Jun 28, 2016

Virtual Tribe Meeting - Enjoying Camaraderie


At the Virtual Tribe we take turns checking in.

It is an iterative process and I enjoy the camaraderie.

Going round we touch on many issues that seem to resonate with everyone.

I talk about my project and the decision that I have made to continue working on programing my own system.

Toward the end of the meeting someone heats up and we get into it.

He works on childhood issues of sovereignty for all of us.

He remembers being held by the neck like an animal.

This brings back many similar memories for me and opens doors for further examination.

Thank you,
Thank you for sharing your process.
Jun 28, 2016

Virtual Tribe Meeting - Wanting and Getting

Dear Chief

June 21 we have Virtual Tribe meeting.  It is a feelings meeting.  We have check ins.  We describe our physical sensations.  We talk about whats going on since last meeting

I continue to talk about wanting to want.  I had just come back home from a trip to NYC and also just accepted an invitation to Europe for the weekend. I am starting to have instead of want.   

Tribe takes turns talking about their experiences and thoughts on what I describe.  It feels like a lot of dialogue and not really like Trading Tribe Process,  I acknowledge that in the meeting.

Finally a member gets HOT.  He develops forms, we do some role play,  We get some work done.   I am proud of us.

Thank you

Thank you for sharing your process.
Jun 27, 2016

Wants System Design Advice


You're a legend and this is a shot in the dark but here goes. I'm a 40 year old software engineer with a passion for markets. I've developed my own long term trend following system that I'm quite proud of.

It's a pretty simple system that is not over engineered but still performs very well over long samples of various types.

The beauty is in the optimizer engine which takes large samples and finds the best parameter combinations for a given index, ETF, etc. It's all based on price action, breadth / divergence and a custom trend line logic.  I've attached a few trade histories of varying stocks.

I'd be real interested in your advice on what else I could do beyond using price, breadth, divergence and a dynamic trend line that may improve my results without curve fitting or over engineering?  Thanks in advance for any insights you may be able to offer.

Thank you for raising this issue.

You might consider detecting over fitting by running some out-of-sample tests - and also by running your optimal solution for one instrument on the data for another instrument.

Jun 27, 2016

Pollinator Report - Wants Attention


I visit a foreign Tribe as pollinator. Before the meeting I feel terrified of working on my feeling of <fear>. In the previous month I very frequently experience terror, a paralyzing sensation of despair and impending catastrophe. The form that I associate with this feeling is a chest pressure, ducking, rubbing my hands against each other, and contracting my neck muscle. I think that this form ushers the access to insight about the origin of this feeling and ask the Tribe for permission to work on it.

I mention different issues that I associate with the form and with my experiences in the previous months. I remember that as a child I experience respiratory difficulties and a similar sensation in my chest.

The process manager (PM) offers to simulate asfixia using a plastic bag. I accept his suggestion. He then mentions that this shows that <asfixia> is not the issue: in previous process, participants with respiratory disorders react with panic to the suggestion of simulating smothering.

I mention other issues which might relate to the feeling: being alone as a child, lacking attention from my parents. PM points at the fact that I keep changing issues and nothing gets traction.

I mention that I feel stuck and don´t know how to proceed. PM asks me to look at him in the eyes, repeat "I feel stuck and I like it" while I smile. I can smile, but I cannot look at him in the eyes. I am baffled, since I do not recall having difficulties with looking people in their eyes.

I also recognize several situations in which I feel stuck (for example in the development of trading systems) and that I associate being stuck with <despair>. After some tries I finally can smile and repeat "I feel stuck and I like it" while I look at PM´s eyes.

He then prompts me to repeat the form. Tribe encourages me to increase it. While I am there growling, ducking and rubbing my hands, PM mentions that I remind him of a child having a tantrum. I know that experienced PM might recognize what the person in the Hotseat is actually doing or experiencing.

PM asks me to describe a situation in my childhood in which I feel that way. I see myself in my mother´s kitchen, playing alone. She does not pay attention to me. No matter what I do, I cannot get her attention. I then have asthma but my grandmother takes care of me, for my mother has to work. I recall no having emotional contact with my mother and my mother and my grandmother fighting over me as if I were their possession. My form might look very dramatic, but now it seems to me that it is just a kind of tantrum to attract attention.

PM mentions that it is an ineffective method and that people might get bored of it. Instead, I might ask them if I may have their attention without throwing tantrums.

As I write this report I recall several situations in which I try to get attention from by telling jokes or reporting about events in my life. It is like a drug, a behavior that I dislike but I keep on re-playing. I feel sorry for people which possibly are not interested on my stories but keep on listening to them. I wonder about their reaction when I directly ask them for some attention. I also ask myself if I just might enjoy the feeling of "I am not getting enough attention" and of being ignored.

In the first weekend after I return to my city I observe a substantial increase in the number of ladies which show interest in me. I still want to learn to enjoy the feeling of "I do not get enough attention".

I thank the PM and my fellow Tribesmen for their support.
Thank you for sharing your process.


can serve
as a way to get attention

Jun 26, 2016

Birthday Visit

Dear Ed,

I continue my employment at [Firm]. [My Wife] and I are expecting a baby in December. The relationships in my Essential Tribe continue to grow stronger.

A member of my Incline Village Tribe class comes to visit from Boston.

We enjoy reconnecting and meeting each other's wives and children. My friend tells me of his and others' plans to visit you around your upcoming birthday. I feel a desire to join them and you for the occasion. I wonder if you plan to receive visitors at your house or ranch, and what schedule you plan to follow. [We] are planning a vacation in Texas. We would like to stop by and acknowledge you.

Thank you for reaching out to me.

I plan to host a Tribe Meeting in Texas on Friday, August 5, two days before my 70th birthday.  I have other plans still in the works. Watch FAQ for updates.

Jun 24, 2016

More Success with Smaller Bet Size


At the PR Tribe I work on risk.

Chief says “When you bet it all you have to be right”.

I feel relief and a sense of freedom as I release myself from always having to be right.

Picking up on the work of the members who proceed me, I get into the themes of busy work and distraction.

I start my process by talking about my inability to take on risk and that it is holding me back.

Chief leads the process and asks what it would be like if I didn't distract myself with busy work.
I feel profound sadness.

Chief points out that sadness is a response to loss, and might be sadness for opportunity lost.
I realize this is exactly the feeling, sadness for opportunity lost.

He says “It’s like driving with the brakes on”. Right.
He also suggests that there is risk of rejection in sales interactions. Also feels right - I feel it in my muscles.

I realize that I take on large business risks by investing time into lengthy sales pitches that never pan out, and have the same tendency to bet it all when investing. In both situations I have to be right.

I enjoy the drama of the big bet, and avoid the sadness. Over time this behavior leads to paralysis and my entry point. 

I begin to actively look for opportunities to take small risks, and feel a new sense of ease.

Thank you,
Thank you for sharing your process.
Jun 24, 2016

Brexit and Govopoly


Is today's Brexit the beginning of the end for one world, one government, one big collectivist central bank and tax cartel?

If the media propagandizes how they want you to think and not listen to what people want, then we get a big surprise / black swan? No surprise; just ask the Russian people over age 50! Throw them all out. Wake up call for Paul Ryan.....and definitely Hillary.

They cause it and then come to the rescue:

Thank you for raising this issue.

In my book, Govopoly, I expect the Govopoly System to expand and to restrict the Free Competition sector.

This points toward volatile markets and irregularly higher prices.

Jun 24, 2016

Wants to Understand Feedback Systems

Hi Ed,

I have just checked FAQ.

It seems like the PR tribe addresses similar issues to the Virtual tribe. The updates feel very profound, thank you for posting them to FAQ. I feel as though I have been touched by a large calming hand across my chest.

Last night I think of Govopoly as the markets gyrate. I participate in the trading very calmly. I notice I feel ok not trying to get more.  I take profits as they come and control my risk.

I recall having the impression that one premise conveyed in Govopoly was that more volatility is coming. I plan to re-read the book.

I wonder if you would be willing to recommend ways I might learn more about modeling volatility and understanding feedback loops.  I would like to learn more from you about how you think about it.

I feel a lot of excitement (rising feeling in my chest) about the opportunity that comes with acknowledging and accepting change. I also feel anxiety as a mild ache in my chest when I consider that many people including me are not prepared for system wide change or collapse.

I decide to stay in the now and acknowledge what I experience, see and feel, take responsibility for my behavior and manage risk the best I can right now.

Thank you!
Thank you for raising this issue.

I have a series of feedback dynamics tutorials for beginners, on line at the EcoNowMics project on this site. Also see Resources, above.

If you wish to understand feedback dynamics more deeply, you might consider taking a formal college-level course in servo dynamics.

Jun 24, 2016

Tribe Goes into Recess


Today at 5:47 AM I cancel our last meeting for lack of a quorum.

Attendance at our recent series of meetings runs at 50% and few people have full hot seats so I do not plan another series.

Our Tribe goes into recess until further notice but I intend to keep my contact details in the directory (attached, new document) in case someone wants to restart the tribe.

On balance I would like to keep the Tribe going but I don't think I can, now.

I feel bittersweet about this. My workshops with Ed Seykota and 6 1/2 years of Tribe transform my life beyond my wildest hopes. So many things I think I cannot fix, but I fix them through the hot seats and Rocks Processes. Breathwork helps too. My problems these days seem mostly "life" more than "rocks".

Many join the two Tribes I run, many leave. Some change their lives. Some do not. I thank all those in my Tribes and in my Workshops for their help and their honesty and their commitment and for the difference they make to my life and others.

Also I thank Ed Seykota from the bottom of my heart for his gift of the Trading Tribe.
Thank you for sharing your process.

Thank you for running your Tribes for 6-1/2 years and for sharing the process with others.

You might like to consider this, from the FAQ Ground Rules page:


Ed's ultimate intention for The Trading Tribe and for TTP includes encouraging people to experience it, and then for it to disappear as another passing AHA.

Jun 24, 2016


Hi, Ed!

I wonder what you think about Britain leaving the EU. Could it be the start of something bigger?

I have written to you before where I explained why I think we are on the brink of a stock market crash.

And now the Bank of England say that they are ready to do everything in their power to calm the situation.

It reminds me of when Ben Bernanke said that if necessary he would launch the "helicopter money-pack".

It is the same this time as I see it, and with interest rates near or below zero I wonder how much longer one could use such a short-term solution to such a profound long-term problem?

Do you think we now could enter a hyperinflation just because the banks and the governments around the world are so afraid of facing a possible deflation?
Thank you for raising these issues.

On page 349 of my book, Govopoly in the 39th Day, I discuss implications of my Assimilation Model:

"The government continues borrowing, raising debt ceiling limits and exceeding them.  It continues spending through stimulus packages that favor friends of those in power.

Business continues to decline, people lose jobs and fall into poverty. Many companies and even towns declare bankruptcy.  This holds a lid on prices for a while.

The extensive use of fiat currency eventually leads to price inflation, even as the economy continues to stagnate and show high unemployment,  particularly among low-wage earners.

Prices advance as a series of disruptive asset price bubbles. The standard of living falls. Personal freedom declines.  Ethics decay.  Eventually, the system itself falls apart, providing an opportunity for a new start.

The Assimilation cycle appears again and again throughout history."

Expect Inflation

to flare up.

Govopoly in the 39th Day, page 349

Jun 23, 2016

More On Feeling Frustration (Jun 14, 2016)

Hi Ed,

Thank you for responding. I feel energy expanding out of my chest, heart racing in my chest, tingling feet, and a lightness in my head reading your response.

I notice you use three letter months, ex. Jun. We use this at work too and it feels good to notice others who use this.

In the FAQ April 21-30 please review the back button. The back button from April 21-30 is linked to April 10-20 which produces a 404 error -  instead of the working page April 11-20.

Thanks again for the feedback, I wonder about my progress, my judgment of frustration, what I'm wiling to feel and what I refuse to feel, what I'm blocking by refusing to feel, how I can get into feelings and how I can move forward. I notice muscle strain under my left shoulder blade and a halo feeling around my head. I want to use these feelings as an entry point in my next tribe meeting.

Thank you,
Thank you for continuing to share your process.

Thank you for catching the link error.
Jun 22, 2016

You Have to Love Millenials (Satire)


You might enjoy this video about millenials.

Thank you for sending me the link.
Jun 22, 2016

Tribe Report - Loving Married Women

June 16th, an ad hoc Trading Tribe meets in San Juan.  I have been in Tribe with Chief and with another member the fourth member I meet at Tribe.

We drum, we check in how we are feeling, we share triumphs and victories.  I notice that we are making real progress in our lives.  We are doing better finding more opportunities for intimacy and engineering less drama.

I talk about wanting to want.  Desire is so vivid, it consumes me and pushes all else out.  I notice in my life particularly with money and with romance; I want to want more than I want to have.  Chasing a woman is compelling in a way that having her might never be. 

The next Tribe member works on some forms.  He talks about being uncomfortable with them, but is not getting there. Chief asks him to smile while in form, he is able to get some control, admit he likes it that it garners him attention.  He agrees to ask directly for the attention and type of attention he wants.

Another Tribe member works on risk.  He wants to have a bigger appetite for risk wonders if he could do more and build his business faster if he had more risk tolerance. Tribe helps him acknowledge that he may be going the speed he desires, that he is not stuck just not accelerating.

The final Tribe member is working on letting go of women who reject him and put him down.  We go through a role play.  His grandmother is jealous of attentions he pays to girls, his grandfather teases him about the women he likes.  In role play he gets a better understanding of is grandparent's relationship dynamic. Maybe he will now have easy relationships with women who want to be with him, who support him and who are willing to give and receive attention and affection.

Before check out I talk about a link I have made between losing money and having married lovers.   The link seems strong.  Tribe helps me acknowledge that the commandment prohibiting adultery is  only one of many commandments I ignore  that I do not fear monetary consequences of driving on Sabbath or skipping prayers. 

I decide to make a new link.  I now understand that there is a link between having married lovers and making vast sums of money.  The more love, and sex I have the more money I make trading. 

We check out.
Thank you for sharing your process and for documenting the meeting.
Jun 22, 2016

Tribe Report - Stopping the Family Buck

Dear Chief,

Last night we have our Virtual Tribe meeting. It is the monthly meeting we have scheduled to work on feelings.

Each member checks in as usual with a present tense assessment of the feelings we have right now.

After the first round of check-ins each member checks in with feelings, thoughts and reports of what they have been working on, noticing and feeling the past few weeks.

The main topics seem to be wanting versus having and to a lesser degree deception, regret and impatience.

Our check-ins seem to be related and building upon each other as we continue taking turns.

A Tribe member asks me if I want to get into a feeling / expression he observes after my turn.

The process veers to a conversational format.  We even end up speaking "out of turn" - I jump the order and comment that I think I'm ok just feeling stuff as it comes up. I check to see and report that the feeling has dissipated.  We don't realize that I have jumped the check in order until we have circulated back to the tribe member that was skipped.

After another check in round of comments and observations about feelings and situations, the tribe member that had been skipped over points out that we may be avoiding feelings.

We return to an orderly process of taking turns checking in and commenting on this difference in format. Tribe members acknowledge a mix of willingness to keep going as, enjoyment of the sharing and acknowledgment of not having a strong willingness to do work.  I feel open to working but not particularly hot. I feel ok with however the meeting goes - I enjoy doing it either way.

I'm typically PM at our meetings so when it is my turn again, I ask if anyone is hot or wanting to do work on something specific.  There is a long pause. No one says yes.  I suggest we keep going, taking turns and see what happens.

We continue to take turns sharing and building on each others check -ins with feedback and our own observations and feelings.

The feelings seem to be increasing with each additional pass of check ins.  When it becomes my turn again I notice I'm having a feeling in my face and comment on it. "Maybe this is something"

I close my eyes and get into it for a second. Immediately I feel surrounded in a field of acknowledgment. I'm hearing all kinds of affirmative encouragement from the whole Tribe.

The Tribe feels close to me.  I feel wrapped in a warm surround of sound and encouragement. I get in to developing the form. Each permutation of the form is received, acknowledged and encouraged by the Tribe. I develop and intensify the form very easily and recognize a freezing point / memory.
My eyes are still closed. I feel surprise that I am "here" I have not been "here" since the day it happened. I report what I see and feel out loud to the Tribe:

I am 6 years old. Standing at the top of a staircase outside my grade school in Minnesota. My eye hurts. I've just punched a bully in the nose. I won.
I am taken away to a room. I am in trouble. I feel my eye. It hurts a little.

I report to Tribe that I feel tricked. My dad taught me to punch bullies in the nose. "Pick the biggest one. Punch him right in the nose. No one will bother you again". Now I'm in trouble and I feel deceived. I was never told about the consequences.  He is in France, far away and unavailable for more advice. I don't now what to do. I decide I  have to pout and act hurt to justify my actions. The punishment will be less. 

I stop talking / narrating to tribe.

I make a face, sulking. Curling in to a cowering position, spine rounded, chin protruding. I squint my left eye and put my hand over it and push out my bottom lip. Tribe encourages me to do more.

Tribe tells me to get into it. I notice my neck hurts. I'm cringing and I feel a hand grabbing the back of my neck. It feels like a vice. The grip is rock solid, holding tight and forcing me forward and down at the same time in a jerking throwing motion.

I hear more encouragement and keep pushing this new form. I feel disoriented and consumed by the form.

I reach another freezing point and find myself in the "parlor" living room of my grandparents house in Brooklyn. My sister took a toy I wanted and I hurt her. My grandfather grabs me by the nape of my neck very abruptly and holds on. He forces me forward and down towards a corner. I feel like a jerk. I feel my neck being jerked. I hear the work "jerk" in my mid.

The feeling is intense. I am very aware of where I am.

I describe what is happening to Tribe. I decide I am going to say something. I will use heart rock right now.

I tell my grandfather to stop holding my neck.
I say it out loud.

"Stop holding my neck. You are hurting me. I don't like it when you hurt me."

He lets go.

I repeat:  "You hurt me. You grab me like you grab the dog, I don't like being grabbed like that, It hurts me. I don't like it when you hurt me."

I wait. My eyes are closed but I'm looking at him. He is looking past me. He looks sad.

Then he focuses on me and says:

"When you hurt your sister, I don't know what else to do. I lose control when you fight and hurt each other. I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I don't know what else to do."

I thank him.

I repeat "I don't want you to hurt me. I don't like it."

He thanks me for telling him and explains again that he does not know another way.   He says that he is sorry that he hurts me and that he won't do that any more.

I thank him.

I open my eyes and feel lightheaded and relaxed.
I feel relief.

I realize there is no PM and this process just happens automatically. I acknowledge this and
I ask the Tribe member who has been my grandfather to check out in role. I release him from his role and we check out as ourselves.

While I check out I recognize the rock I use. I notice that I skip forgiving the rock(s) and go straight to heart rock. I see that the rock I when people hurt each-other is to use force to control and subjugate them. I also see an ad on rock to the first one:  deceive people when you don't like the consequences of your actions.

I see that I don't need to use these rocks. I forgive the rock out loud to my father and grandfather. I recognize I have already forgiven the deception rock to my father at a workshop with Ed and no longer use it although I still reap the results and consequences from past use many years ago.
In my mind I feel my grandfather and father thank me for showing them heart rock.

I feel the Tribe thank me.

I feel deep relief and clarity.

We check out on the process.

We check out on the meeting.


This morning at the breakfast table I sit next to my 4 year old son and explain that I want to tell him something.  He understand it is important and stops what he is doing.  We make eye contact and move closer to each other.

I tell him that sometimes when he fights with his bother and they hurt each other I grab them very abruptly. I tell him that I think he does not like it and that maybe I hurt him. He understands 100%. I can see relief in his eyes and his posture. He looks at me and checks if he understands what I mean by asking " You mean when I fight with (brother's name) and you grab me like this?" He gestures to his ribcage near his under arms. I say yes. He confirms." I don't like when you grab me like that and put me in my room. I don't like it, it hurts me and hurts my feelings."

I tell him that I don't want to hurt him. I tell him that I am sorry that I hurt him and tat I hurt his feelings. I explain that I learn how to do that when I am young from my father and grandfather and that I don't want to do that anymore and that I would like to do something else that we are both ok with.  He seems curious and very animated and asks about the grabbing. He wants to know more about it. I explain that I learn from my dad and grandpa and they learns from their dads and that's just how they do it but we can do something else.

I feel my wife and my younger 2 year old soon looking on in silence. I feel them paying attention.

My son lights up and says "next time when I fight with (name) and we hurt each other and you ask me to stop I can just run into my room by myself an calm down."

I tell him we can do that. I thank him for listening and he tells me he loves me. I tell him I love him.

I step outside on the deck with my sons. When I come back inside my wife says to me: " I think I can yell less. I feel so overwhelmed and immobilized I don't know what to do. I can find a better way."

I thank her for telling me.

This is still very fresh and feel that I am continuing to process the ramifications of this shift.

Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your process and for sharing your insights here and with your family.
Jun 22, 2016

Choosing Different Program


Regarding overcoming old patterns, I suggest your readers might access their old program by noticing a behavior or thought or feeling and then wondering, "At this moment, is this behavior / thought / feeling moving me towards or away from intimacy?"

You can't have a choice until you can notice when the program might be choosing for you.

If the feeling is powerful, like anger, you may have to regain emotional balance in order to ask the question.  One way of doing that is to pause and take a breath, if possible (the program won't want you to pause!).
Thank you for sharing your insights.
Jun 21, 2016

Working with Fear

Hi Chief,

I feel a little concern about my training progress.

I see there are some places that provide a basement, or darkrooms, where you can experience terror.

I want to go there to train or test myself but I feel a strong inhibiting force holding me back.

I feel concern about the inability to take action, since I know the only difference which separates a winning trader from a losing trader is the ability to work with fears.

I really feel heart beating fast, short of breath and petrifying heaviness on my limbs.

Thank you for sharing your process.

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